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MY FAMILY IS A HORROR MOVIE.
I DIDN'T CHOOSE MY FAMILY. (THEY DIDN'T EITHER.)
MY PARENTS HAVE A FAVORITE. (IT'S THE DOG.)
FAVORITE CHILD. (OF NOBODY.)
MY DAD RAN OFF WITH THE NANNY.
MY MOM MARRIED HER YOGA TEACHER.
MY PARENTS MET IN PRISON.
MY MOM ADOPTED 12 CATS.
MY DAUGHTER IS IN JAIL.
6 STREET FIGHTS. 6 WINS.
90 MINUTES IN THE BATHROOM.
A DECAF AND A PUNCH PLEASE.
